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Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Night
Six
Shows
Large
Recital
Give
Watches
Recitals
Giving
Watch
Mandatory
Mean
Word
Attendance
Every
Hours
Violin
Show
Candy
Means
Bags
More quotes by Daniel Handler
They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind.
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Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.
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Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.
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...in life it is often the tiny details that end up being the most important.
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And when love is over when the diner of love seems closed from the outside you want all those hours back along with anything you left at the lover’s house and maybe a couple of things which aren’t technically yours on the grounds that you wasted a portion of your life and those hours have all gone southside.
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This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
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There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!
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Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
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...the moron who thought love was forever.
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Life isn't fair, he said, in his undisguised voice, and for once the Baudelaire orphans agreed with every word the man said.
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.
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I started making plans, thinking we would get that far.
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And then like a song we'd forgotten was even on the mix, you stepped into the house and my whole life.
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We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.
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Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
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Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.
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