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Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Show
Candy
Means
Bags
Night
Six
Shows
Large
Recital
Give
Watches
Recitals
Giving
Watch
Mandatory
Mean
Word
Attendance
Every
Hours
Violin
More quotes by Daniel Handler
...there's not enough ink and paper to say all I wanted.
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The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
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In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn't worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.
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Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.
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There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.
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Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
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It is not very polite to interrupt a person, of course, but sometimes if the person is very unpleasant you can hardly stop yourself.
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For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.
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Put your hair up, Min. The secret ingredient is not your hair.
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Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.
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Dumping you times infinity. Still not enough.
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The sad truth is the truth is sad.
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Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.
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There are many things in life that become different if you take a long look at them.
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The idea that the curtain rises on what is often more or less a happy scene, and it will fall just a few hours later, and everyone will be dead or have gone mad... I find that kind of narrative very appealing.
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Sometimes, even the best of plans will occur to you when it is too late.
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Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.
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Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, The world is quiet here, as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good.
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