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After a certain age, you couldn't even say where you were from. You went someplace, and lived there. And then you went someplace else.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Someplace
Lived
Couldn
Went
Age
Else
Certain
Even

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This is love, to sit with someone you've known forever in a place you've been meaning to go, and watching as their life happens to them until you stand up and it's time to go.
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A mystery is solved with a story.
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I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now he wasn't so sure.
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There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If someone wanted to torture me until I told them a critical piece of information, all they would have to do is get my socks wet. It feels terrible.
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And then of course the music sprang up, lousy rock as bold and dull as a giant potato. Love this song, Todd said, like it was unusually brave to like what was number one on the radio.
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
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There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap, and it is better to stain the napkin than your clothing. The other is that it can serve as a perfect hiding place. Practically nobody is nosey enough to take the napkin off a lap to see what is hidden there.
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There is a pair of snakes who have learned to drive a car so recklessly that they would run you over in the street and never stop to apologize.
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The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.
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Announcing your death should be like announcing that you are a lunar moth: It must be done quietly or it will not be believed.
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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
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All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found
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The last time I saw you I was trying to throw thumbtacks into your cradle!
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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.
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In America now there is this phenomenon called helicopter parenting, where you're hovering over your child for the whole time. Parents there view their job as being to make sure their kid never has a moment of unhappiness. Of course, as a parent myself, I can understand the urge, but I don't know whether it would be healthy or possible.
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They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I ate eleven of them, right in a row. It is rude to take the last cookie.
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It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs
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In general, of course, a stranger who tries to get you into an automobile is anything but noble, and in general a person who quotes great American novelists is anything but treacherous, and in general a man who says you needn't worry about money, or a man who smokes cigarettes, is somewhere in between.
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