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After a certain age, you couldn't even say where you were from. You went someplace, and lived there. And then you went someplace else.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Couldn
Went
Age
Else
Certain
Even
Someplace
Lived

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I found powerful the idea that everything we have is, in effect, stolen from everybody else.
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Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
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If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn’t care about dentists, for instance could say ‘Dentist, schmentists.
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All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.
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The thing with your heart's desire is that your heart doesn't even know what it desires until it turns up.
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Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.
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Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.
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The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it might be embarrassing to explain, but it would be very unusual to get them confused.
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We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.
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Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.
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For every teenager I know, having a phone is a mixed blessing, because your parents can press a button and figure out where you are.
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
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I hadn't even been looking, not for you, and now you were my heart's desire.
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Dumping you times infinity. Still not enough.
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People don't always get what they deserve in this world.
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There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
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Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.
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For Beatrice, summer without you is as cold as winter. Winter without you, is even colder.
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Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.
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