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Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two...The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Simple
Lead
Sooner
Everyone
Safe
Solution
Away
Stay
Event
Happens
Events
Adversity
Two
Courses
Overcoming
Stories
Course
Solutions
Life
Possible
Musician
Hardship
World
Story
Later
Unfortunate

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It seemed to me that every adult did something terrible sooner or later. And every child, I thought, sooner or later becomes an adult.
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There is only laughing across the land as the car moves you along, on your way someplace with love in the car.
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It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us, whether you are an electric form of decoration, peppermint-scented sweet, a source of timber, or a potato pancake.
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The right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing” is a phrase that refers to times when people ought to know, but don’t know, about something that is happening very close to them. For instance, you ought to know about the man who watches you when you sleep.
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The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.
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There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
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I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the time. After all, they wouldn't want us to be miserable.
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It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs
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Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide.
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There is no way of knowing for sure whether or not you can trust someone, for the simple reason that circumstances change all of the time.
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Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.
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It was a secret time and place, you next to me, untraceable and out of this world
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With the publishing of The Basic Eight, it was often assumed that I was really immature and callow, and with the publishing of Watch Your Mouth, it was assumed that I was oversexualized, and with Lemony Snicket, it's often assumed that I'm erudite and depressed. But all the voices more or less came naturally to me.
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This is love, and the trouble with it: it can make you embarrassed. Love is really liking someone a whole lot and not wanting to screw that up. Everybody's chewed over this. This unites us, this part of love.
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I had this idea about terrible things happening to orphans, and I knew it was such a horrible idea that the idea of writing it down and then submitting it professionally was obviously absurd.
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?
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Miracles can happen, even to those who are small, flammable, and dressed all in black.
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Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!
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Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
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