Quote

Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Someone
Rare
Like
Rarely
Weasel
Hide
Weasels
Table
Aura
Tables
Auras
Coffee
Menace
Meet
Pet
Makes
Hiding

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I was not a particularly brave child, I think, because I had a narrative mind, because my mind automatically went to any terrible thing that could happen.
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My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.
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Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!
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Twenty-six,” you said. “One for each day we’ve been together, Min.”Somebody oohed. Somebody shushed them. “And I hope that someday I’ll do another something stupid and I’ll have to say it a million times because that’s how long it’ll be, together with you, Min. With you.
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Life never end when you are in it.
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There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
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Every time you enter a library you might say to yourself, The world is quiet here, as a sort of pledge proclaiming reading to be the greater good.
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Count Olaf sounds like an awful person. I hope he is torn apart by wild animals someday. Wouldn't that be satisfying?
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I decided that it might be interesting to have terrible things happen to orphans over and over again.
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I had this idea about terrible things happening to orphans, and I knew it was such a horrible idea that the idea of writing it down and then submitting it professionally was obviously absurd.
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Composer” is a word which here means “a person who sits in a room, muttering and humming and figuring out what notes the orchestra is going to play.” This is called composing. But last night, the Composer was not muttering. He was not humming. He was not moving, or even breathing. This is called decomposing.
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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
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We are a nation of children letting horrible things happen, and flunking Calc.
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I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.
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who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.
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After a certain age, you couldn't even say where you were from. You went someplace, and lived there. And then you went someplace else.
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