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Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Aside
Violent
Shoving
Girl
Dashed
Littles
Baudelaire
Little
Orphans
Way
Orphan
Filthy
Rude

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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit.
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Goodness! Golly! Good God! Blessed Allah! Zeus and Hera! Mary and Joseph! Nathaniel Hawthorne! Don't touch her! Grab her! Move closer! Run away! Don't move! Kill the snake! Leave it alone! Give it some food! Don't let it bite her! Lure the snake away! Here, snakey! Here, snakey snakey!
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You’re just jealous of me because I’m a tap-dancing ballerina fairy princess veterinarian!
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A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
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It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself.
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There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
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For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.
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It was a curious feeling, that something could be so close and so distant at the same time.
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
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For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.
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Blank paper has always inspired me.
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Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.
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For every teenager I know, having a phone is a mixed blessing, because your parents can press a button and figure out where you are.
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If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.
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One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
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The right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing” is a phrase that refers to times when people ought to know, but don’t know, about something that is happening very close to them. For instance, you ought to know about the man who watches you when you sleep.
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The worst surroundings in the world can be tolerated if the people in them are interesting and kind.
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Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.
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We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.
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