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The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Eavesdropping
Caught
Keys
Getting
Good

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I had this idea about terrible things happening to orphans, and I knew it was such a horrible idea that the idea of writing it down and then submitting it professionally was obviously absurd.
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The sad truth is the truth is sad.
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Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.
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There are two types of panicking: standing still and not saying a word, and leaping all over the place babbling anything that comes into your head.
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There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.
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If everyone fought fire with fire, the whole world would go up in smoke.
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Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
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Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to stop it all over again.
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You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage to say so.
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There is only laughing across the land as the car moves you along, on your way someplace with love in the car.
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Every night I give a violin recital for six hours, and attendance is mandatory. The word 'mandatory' means that if you don't show up, you have to buy me a large bag of candy and watch me eat it.
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For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.
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Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden trapdoor in the floor, is merely a quiet way to spend one's time before the candles are extinguished on one's birthday cake.
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I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.
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Any playlist without Prince is no friend of mine.
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It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed. If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels, and if you haven't, you cannot possibly imagine it.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
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who would dare think that, forever? Some idiot girl who wouldn’t know how things played out.
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Beef. Yes. Roast beef. It's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted.
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Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.
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