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This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Sharp
Hurt
Eager
Knife
Knives
More quotes by Daniel Handler
Certain people have said that the world is like a calm pond, and that anytime a person does even the smallest thing, it is as if a stone has dropped into the pond, spreading circles of ripples further and further out, until the entire world has been changed by one tiny action.
Daniel Handler
Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
Daniel Handler
This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?
Daniel Handler
It is almost as if happiness is an acquired taste, like coconut cordial or ceviche, to which you can eventually become accustomed, but despair is something surprising each time you encounter it.
Daniel Handler
I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I'll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I'll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.
Daniel Handler
The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
Daniel Handler
Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
Daniel Handler
Just about everybody has written a first novel that they throw away before writing their actual first novel.
Daniel Handler
Chestnuts in stuffing tastes like someone chewed up a tree branch and then French-kissed it into your mouth.
Daniel Handler
The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.
Daniel Handler
No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what you don't read is often as important as what you do read.
Daniel Handler
Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.
Daniel Handler
How did you do that?” Mr. Poe asked. “Nice girls shouldn’t know how to do such things.” “My sister is a nice girl,” Klaus said, “and she knows how to do all sorts of things.
Daniel Handler
A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
Daniel Handler
For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.
Daniel Handler
Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.
Daniel Handler
This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.
Daniel Handler
...the moron who thought love was forever.
Daniel Handler
Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two...The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life.
Daniel Handler
It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger.
Daniel Handler