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This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Knives
Sharp
Hurt
Eager
Knife

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.
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Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.
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There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, or liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.
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In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.
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I opened my mouth and kissed you then, the first time all night, attacked you and surrendered completely, and let’s get out of here. I’m ready, I’m finished, let’s not break up, no, no. Take me home, my boyfriend, my love.
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It is very difficult to make one's way in this world without being wicked at one time or another, when the world's way is so wicked to being with.
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Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.
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Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it.
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A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.
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Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women.
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Tell me what it is, or prepare to eat harpoon.
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Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true.
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Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down.
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Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!
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It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.
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Hup hup ha ha hammy hee hee!
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I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
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The Long Goodbye' is one book I like to read over and over again, and it was an enormous inspiration for 'All The Wrong Questions'.
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Just about everybody has written a first novel that they throw away before writing their actual first novel.
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Well-read people are less likely to be evil.
Daniel Handler