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It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Simply
Ice
Someone
Corner
Around
Corners
Home
Leaves
Going
Sadness
Always
Unless
Sandwiches
Return
Minutes
Cream

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If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the first letters. Somebody who didn’t care about dentists, for instance could say ‘Dentist, schmentists.
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There are so many movies like this, where you thought you were smarter than the screen but the director was smarter than you, of course he's the one, of course it was a dream, of course she's dead, of course, it's hidden right there, of course it's the truth and you in your seat have failed to notice in the dark.
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And when love is over when the diner of love seems closed from the outside you want all those hours back along with anything you left at the lover’s house and maybe a couple of things which aren’t technically yours on the grounds that you wasted a portion of your life and those hours have all gone southside.
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I always think it's silly when people talk about works of culture taking risks. Because there's not any risk involved.
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One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
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Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.
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Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.
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Mostly, it's flattering to meet fans. As long as it's in a planned, professional meeting, rather than, say, someone dropping by my home, which is not as pleasant.
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This is like a cookie, it tastes like a cookie having sex with a doughnut.
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I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence, and as justice loves to sit and watch while everything goes wrong.
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Like a lot of people whose children were small in the 2000s, I read [Daniel Handler] books out loud and I loved them.
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Can't we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.
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Just because something is typed-whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book-this does not mean that it is true.
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Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Baudelaire orphans aside as she dashed by.
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
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Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.
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But it's far too late for us ring, hair, letters, photographs - all traces of our love will be scattered then, like an anagram.
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Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn't mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.
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I kind of always think my work is unfilmable, and when I meet people who are interested in filming it, I'm always stunned.
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I stand entwined in fire on the inextinguishable bonfire of inconceivable love.
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