Quote

Everybody has a theory.

Daniel Handler

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Theory
Everybody

More quotes by Daniel Handler

Image
If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
Daniel Handler
Image
The story of the Baudelaires takes place in a very real world, where some people are laughed at just because they have something wrong with them, and where children can find themselves all alone in the world, struggling to understand the mystery that surrounds them.
Daniel Handler
Image
Taking one’s chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is too late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.
Daniel Handler
Image
I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.
Daniel Handler
Image
It seems to me that oftentimes in young relationships once there's a problem of some significance then it's almost like they're both racing for the dumper buzzer.
Daniel Handler
Image
It has been said that the hardest job in the world is raising a child, but the people who says this have probably never worked at a comb factory or captured pirates on the high seas.
Daniel Handler
Image
To stutter through it with you or even stop stuttering and say nothing, was so lucky and soft, better talk than mile-a-minute with anyone. After a few minutes we’d stop rattling, we’d adjust, we’d settle in, and the conversation would speed into the night.
Daniel Handler
Image
If you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down
Daniel Handler
Image
The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
Daniel Handler
Image
Everyone on earth would never starve and forever find love and happiness, since we won, but if we’d lost, they would have gouged out our eyes and thrown us naked onto hot coals and poisonous snakes for all the cheering and hugging at the end, strangers hugging like the end of The Omega Virus when Steve Sturmine finds the antidote.
Daniel Handler
Image
Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide.
Daniel Handler
Image
E! Klaus cried. E as in Exit! The Baudelaires ran down E as in Exit, but when they reached the last cabinet, the row was becoming F as in Falling File Cabinets, G as in Go the Other Way! and H as in How in the World Are We Going to Escape?
Daniel Handler
Image
Take back the smile and the night, take it all back, I wish I could.
Daniel Handler
Image
Of course I'm trying to trick you! That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everyone runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else.
Daniel Handler
Image
Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.
Daniel Handler
Image
Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
Daniel Handler
Image
The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.
Daniel Handler
Image
In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.
Daniel Handler
Image
Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.
Daniel Handler
Image
Santa Claus has nothing to do with it, the latke said. Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things. But different things can often blend together, said the pine tree. Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.
Daniel Handler