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Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear.
Daniel Handler
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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Come
Meatballs
Made
Miracles
Like
Appear
Miracle
Exactly
Agree
Nobody
Often
More quotes by Daniel Handler
When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.
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I have a dream of what would have happened if what happened instead hadn't.
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Nobody wants to hear that you will try your best. It is the wrong thing to say. It is like saying 'I probably won't hit you with a shovel.' Suddenly everyone is afraid you will do the opposite.
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If you wish to avoid an unpleasant story you had best put this book down
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To stutter through it with you or even stop stuttering and say nothing, was so lucky and soft, better talk than mile-a-minute with anyone. After a few minutes we’d stop rattling, we’d adjust, we’d settle in, and the conversation would speed into the night.
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Never, under any circumstances, let the Virginian wolfsnake near a typewriter.
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Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.
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I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
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Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.
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Everyone on earth would never starve and forever find love and happiness, since we won, but if we’d lost, they would have gouged out our eyes and thrown us naked onto hot coals and poisonous snakes for all the cheering and hugging at the end, strangers hugging like the end of The Omega Virus when Steve Sturmine finds the antidote.
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There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.
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Well-read people are less likely to be evil.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
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If he’s not gay and he hung out with you the whole time, he wanted to be. It’s boyfriend or want to be boyfriend or I guess gay. Those are the choices.
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If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.
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The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
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A long time ago, there was no such thing as school, and children spent their days learning a trade, a phrase which here means standing around doing tedious tasks under the instruction of a bossy adult. In time, however, people realized that the children could be allowed to sit, and the first school was invented.
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For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.
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A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out.
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