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Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.

Daniel Handler

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Daniel Handler
Age: 54
Born: 1970
Born: February 28
Accordionist
Author
Musician
Novelist
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Writer
San Francisco County
California
Lemony Snicket
Trust
Anyone
Reading
Book
Never
Educational
Brought

More quotes by Daniel Handler

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Love was in the air, so both of us walked through love on our way to the corner.
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It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don't stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.
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Adverbs is a book about love, and I thought that was pretty cheerful, but people who are reading it now are telling me that it's actually quite dark.
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Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.
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Like People, animals will become frightened and likely do whatever you say if you whip them enough.
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It is not the diamonds or the birds, the people or the potatoes, it is not any of the nouns. The miracle is the adverbs, the way things are done. It is the way love gets done despite every catastrophe.
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will ever know why.
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How can someone so wonderful do something so terrible?
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The rinsed foam swirled into one drain that always clogged come October when the maples dropped Canadian propaganda over everything.
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A long time ago, there was no such thing as school, and children spent their days learning a trade, a phrase which here means standing around doing tedious tasks under the instruction of a bossy adult. In time, however, people realized that the children could be allowed to sit, and the first school was invented.
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Lately it has become more and more difficult to attend dinner parties without the evening ending in gunfire or tapioca.
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In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied I love you back and not I love your back before you continue the conversation.
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I was so grateful that Lemony Snicket wasn't the worst movie ever made that I overlooked many things that might have otherwise upset me.
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When I was researching my very first novel, The Basic Eight, I was calling right-wing political and religious organizations and asking them to mail me their material so that I could mock them in my novels.
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The Basic Eight and Watch Your Mouth both have first-person voices, and I ended up investigating those voices and investing so much in them that I think many people took them more seriously than they ought to have.
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Like a lot of people whose children were small in the 2000s, I read [Daniel Handler] books out loud and I loved them.
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One wanders through life as if wandering through a field in the dark of night, wearing a blindfold and very heavy shoes, with a poisonous toad waiting patiently beneath a clump of weeds, knowing full well that eventually you will step on him.
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You should never stick something that you are allergic to into your mouth, especially if that thing is cats.
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.
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My chauffer once told me that I would feel better in the morning, but when I woke up the two of us were still on a tiny island surrounded by man-eating crocodiles, and, as I'm sure you can understand, I didn't feel any better about it.
Daniel Handler