Quote

There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Person
Cutting
Different
Loved
Years
High
Never
Year
Five
Reunion
Girl
Spokes
School
Spoke
Persons
Entirely

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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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