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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Need
First
Feel
Feels
Needs
Even
Salad
Like
Bars
People
Firsts

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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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