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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Need
First
Feel
Feels
Needs
Even
Salad
Like
Bars
People
Firsts

More quotes by Dane Cook

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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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I'm a late-night guy.
Dane Cook
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
Dane Cook