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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Needs
Even
Salad
Like
Bars
People
Firsts
Need
First
Feel
Feels

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
Dane Cook
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
Dane Cook
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
Dane Cook
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
Dane Cook
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
Dane Cook
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
Dane Cook
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
Dane Cook
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
Dane Cook
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
Dane Cook
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
Dane Cook
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
Dane Cook
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
Dane Cook
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
Dane Cook