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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Thon
Weep
Open
Soul
Need
Needs

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
Dane Cook
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
Dane Cook
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
Dane Cook
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
Dane Cook
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
Dane Cook
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
Dane Cook
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
Dane Cook
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
Dane Cook
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
Dane Cook
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
Dane Cook
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I get so into the moment.
Dane Cook
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Dane Cook