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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Soul
Need
Needs
Thon
Weep
Open

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I'm a late-night guy.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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