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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Thon
Weep
Open
Soul
Need
Needs

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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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