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Are there glass shards in my anus?!

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Anus
Shards
Glass
Glasses

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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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