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Are there glass shards in my anus?!

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Anus
Shards
Glass
Glasses

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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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