Quote

Are there glass shards in my anus?!

Dane Cook

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Anus
Shards
Glass
Glasses

More quotes by Dane Cook

Image
We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
Dane Cook
Image
You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
Dane Cook
Image
There's estrogen running through my veins!
Dane Cook
Image
I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
Dane Cook
Image
I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
Dane Cook
Image
I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
Dane Cook
Image
I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook
Image
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
Dane Cook
Image
I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
Dane Cook
Image
I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.
Dane Cook
Image
Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
Dane Cook
Image
The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
Dane Cook
Image
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
Dane Cook
Image
There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
Dane Cook
Image
When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
Dane Cook
Image
I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
Dane Cook
Image
I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
Dane Cook
Image
Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
Dane Cook
Image
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook
Image
When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
Dane Cook