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It really drives me banana sangwich.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Banana
Bananas
Drives
Really

More quotes by Dane Cook

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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook