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I would love to have acidy spit.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Spit
Would
Love

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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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I get so into the moment.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
Dane Cook