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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Little
Beat
Beats
Yeah
Nice
Jesus
School
Used
Sunday
Littles
Thank

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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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