Quote

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Used
Hot
Like
Boat
Drive
Dear
Taking
Civic
Stop
Semi
Acting
Civics
Girl
Photos

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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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