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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Like
Turn
Stars
Wrong
Turns
Father
Death
Luke
Right
Emperor
Thinking
Star

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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
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