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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Death
Luke
Right
Emperor
Thinking
Star
Like
Turn
Stars
Wrong
Turns
Father
More quotes by Dane Cook
I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
Dane Cook
It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
Dane Cook
I get so into the moment.
Dane Cook
I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
Dane Cook
When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
Dane Cook
We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
Dane Cook
Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
Dane Cook
You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
Dane Cook
When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
Dane Cook
That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
Dane Cook
When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
Dane Cook
When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
Dane Cook
Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook
Are there glass shards in my anus?!
Dane Cook
Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
Dane Cook
I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
Dane Cook
Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
Dane Cook