Quote

I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Less
Feelings
Ignoring
Also
Lately
Wells
Settle
Might
Settling
Well
Works
Trying
Week
Pretty

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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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