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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Make
Meddling
Life
Interfere
Difference
Stay
Differences
Persons
Person
Meddlesome
Sometimes
Intervening

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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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Listening to Evanescence makes me want to break up with a girl in real time as a giant antique hourglass falls to the floor in slow motion.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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