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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Even
Gets
Like
Days
Accident
Stop
Fault
Light
Accidents
Persons
Red
Back
Faults
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Car
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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