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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Trying
Molest

More quotes by Dane Cook

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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
Dane Cook
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
Dane Cook
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
Dane Cook
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
Dane Cook
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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
Dane Cook
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I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.
Dane Cook
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
Dane Cook
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
Dane Cook
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
Dane Cook
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
Dane Cook
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
Dane Cook
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
Dane Cook
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
Dane Cook
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
Dane Cook
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
Dane Cook
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
Dane Cook
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
Dane Cook
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
Dane Cook
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
Dane Cook