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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Molest
Trying

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
Dane Cook
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
Dane Cook
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
Dane Cook
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
Dane Cook
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
Dane Cook
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I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
Dane Cook
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It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
Dane Cook
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
Dane Cook
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You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
Dane Cook
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I get so into the moment.
Dane Cook
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook
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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
Dane Cook
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
Dane Cook
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
Dane Cook
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
Dane Cook
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
Dane Cook
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
Dane Cook
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
Dane Cook
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
Dane Cook
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
Dane Cook