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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Trying
Molest

More quotes by Dane Cook

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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
Dane Cook
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately after that, I had a horrible betrayal where my brother, who worked for me, stole a lot of my money. He's in jail now.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
Dane Cook