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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Turntables
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Watch
Working
Woman
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More quotes by Dane Cook

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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
Dane Cook