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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Turntables
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I won't take no for a question.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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Hi, I'm a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
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