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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Woman
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More quotes by Dane Cook

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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I was home educated but would skip my lessons to go hang out at school.
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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