Quote

You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Would
Cheating
Love
Cheat
Easily
Lying
Tell
Persons
Person
Never

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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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