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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Amazing
Much
Really
People
Stupider
Assert
Impress
Dumb

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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
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If you think your demeanor is mellow or not particularly charismatic, the material can life you higher. So write everyday, and get onstage or in a coffee shop where they are doing open mice, anywhere you can perform even if that means starting your own open mic night - and be your own self.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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