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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Much
Really
People
Stupider
Assert
Impress
Dumb
Amazing

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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.
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You know your girls up to no good when her and her friends make a pact to post nothing on Instagram.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.
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Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I like to play guitar, jam out, play the blues, go watch movies. I love movies.
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You can't become tempted if you just give in a little quicker.
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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