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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Back
Skinny
Tied
Bringing
Ties
Wearing
Balls
Around

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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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I was told by a girl once that I should teach a course on how to kiss properly. I thought that was really a nice compliment. I then asked her what she thought about my sexual prowess and she recommended I talk to a guy she used to date. Body blow.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
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