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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Around
Back
Skinny
Tied
Bringing
Ties
Wearing
Balls

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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest ... when they start to bleed go, I guess not
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
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You have to have a strong sense of humor to date me, and also know that you're probably going to be a part of the routine quite a bit.
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I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.
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