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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Tied
Bringing
Ties
Wearing
Balls
Around
Back
Skinny

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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
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When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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