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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Balls
Around
Back
Skinny
Tied
Bringing
Ties
Wearing

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I'm a late-night guy.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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There was a girl I loved in high school - but never spoke to. Cut to my five-year reunion: I'm an entirely different person.
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I have a new saying, what I see in Vegas, I am telling everybody.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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Quote/Unquote and you can quote me on the quote/unquote.
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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Valentine's Day is a time to celebrate the joy of being in love. Unless you're single & lonely then it's called Laundry Day.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I was being chased by a giant crab. That's not funny.
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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