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I'm a deep thinker when it comes to shallow no brainers.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Shallow
Thinker
Deep
Comes

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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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I think beating someone to death with a ukulele would just sound funny.
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Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
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Sometimes, when a person gains a lot of success at a very young age, they become targets, and it's really easy to follow the crowds and not make independent decisions based on truly how you feel.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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