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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Soil
Instinct
Source
Detect
Water
Instincts
Also
Spot
Persons
Beneath
Person
Guts
Spots

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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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There's always someone in every group of friends that nobody likes.
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I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
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