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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Clothing
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More quotes by Dane Cook
I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
Dane Cook
Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
Dane Cook
I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
Dane Cook
I can smell bullshit from a mile away but it's so much harder to detect when it's around you all day.
Dane Cook
Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
Dane Cook
When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
Dane Cook
It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
Dane Cook
Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
Dane Cook
I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
Dane Cook
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
Dane Cook
You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
Dane Cook
Text a guy you like right now, I'm thinking about you. If he says, mmm are you in bed? Never speak to him again he's a lifelong moron.
Dane Cook
Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
Dane Cook
When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
Dane Cook
We're all gonna lie, we're all gonna cry, and we're all gonna take painful shits.
Dane Cook
You need to open up your soul and have a weep-a-thon.
Dane Cook
I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
Dane Cook
I live my life like there's no yesterday.
Dane Cook
Losing my mind sounds so pessimistic. I prefer the term winning my insanity.
Dane Cook
You have to realize, when you're a comedian, that you have to have a thick skin. And trust me, being onstage in front of people is already difficult enough. Somebody's personal attack in an email is not as hard as getting onstage.
Dane Cook
