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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Persons
Person
Geographically
Live
Undesirable
Date
Dating
Longer
Away

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I'm a late-night guy.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Then it was snack time, right in the middle of mass. Right out of nowhere, the priest would look down and say, 'Let's have some yum yums!' You would get in line - you would jump in the line - and you would go up and get the crouton O'Christ.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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I love singing along to the radio while I'm riding in the back of a squad car.
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There's estrogen running through my veins!
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
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It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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Sometimes sex is just a way to escape having to talk to that person.
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