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If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Away
Persons
Person
Live
Geographically
Undesirable
Date
Dating
Longer

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It's amazing how dumb people can impress you with how much stupider they can be when they really assert themselves.
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
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I'm a late-night guy.
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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is very close to being a therapist. When you're working smaller clubs, you're listening. You're feeling an energy, you're going with a tone but when people start yelling out, you almost start a conversation with people.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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Let's talk a little about love. Sometimes you meet somebody and you have what is known as a relationship and things can go great. If things go great you have a great relationship. Sometimes it doesn't go so great and I call that a relationshit!
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not all but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.
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When somebody says I wouldn't change a thing they're thinking of something they would change.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...
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If you take a negative, turn it inside out, it's still a negative. You're just revealing the ugly inside of negative so I say keep it as is.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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I'm not racist, I've got a black president.
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