Quote

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
Date
Dating
Longer
Away
Persons
Person
Live
Geographically
Undesirable

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I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.
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I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.
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You know your gut instincts are spot on about a person when you can also detect a water source in the soil beneath them.
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A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it's not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it's your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
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I once overheard the sweetest old woman behind me on a train tell her adorable old husband as he scoffed down a ham sandwich she had brought along, If you ever yell at me to stop bringing a ham sandwich with me every where we go again? Next time I'm bringing a gun. And I'm blowing your God damn head off.
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I've been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.
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I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
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Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!
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I don't hate anyone. I simply block them out using hellish visions in a blind white rage. But if I see them out I'm pleasant.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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