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It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Needs
Drugs
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Never
Drink
Like
Health
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You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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Strip clubs are great places to meet interesting people you only wanna know for about 40 minutes.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.
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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
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Ma'am, are you trying to molest me via drivethru?
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I was very good at kickball ... I was wonderful at ah doing that kick and your leg goes up and your shoe went on top of the school
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I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have panic attacks when I was a teenager, really incapacitating moments, because I had some phobias.
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Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.
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You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
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I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
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It really drives me banana sangwich.
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Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.
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Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
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I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
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Comedy is immediate. Comedy is a solo mission. You're all by yourself, up there. And when you're in a film, on a set, it's a collaborative effort. It's about me being a tool for somebody else to create a story and a character from nothing, from their imagination.
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When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
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Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
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