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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

Dane Cook

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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
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Hurts
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More quotes by Dane Cook

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I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
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I don't get any anxiety. I don't because of two reasons. Number one, just breaking through it as a kid and finally getting past it was like okay, nothing's ever going to feel that scary again as that deafening silence of a joke not working. Any joke not working is not as bad as not being able to even try and get on stage.
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I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
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I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thought I'd get into psychology.
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Are there glass shards in my anus?!
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When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
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Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?
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I just get excited doing shows. Off stage I am actually very feeble and must be spoon-fed because my hands are too brittle.
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When you hand someone a camera, why do they act like you just asked them to dissemble a bomb? They take it and they're like, 'What do I do ... I don't really ... ha-huh ...' Yeah, it's the button on the top right where it always is since the beginning of #*@! time!
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Created a word game to play with a person you're fighting with. Silent Treatment. Nothing happens until one of you quietly says, Hey, you hungry?
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When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
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I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!
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Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.
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There were times, earlier in my career, where I didn't have the wherewithal to self-edit, and I probably said things and pushed the limits to places where people might be put off. But that's truly part of developing as an artist.
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I live my life like there's no yesterday.
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Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person's life, stay out of it.
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