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Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
Dane Cook
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Dane Cook
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: March 18
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Boston
Massachusetts
Dane Jeffrey Cook
People
Joke
Jokes
Hell
Hurt
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Punched
Faces
Punching
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More quotes by Dane Cook
You can't teach an old hater new truths.
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Even when I go to a salad bar, I need to feel like I'm one of the first people there.
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Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!
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We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
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You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.
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I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
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Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
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When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or my mayor. I say, 'What would Miss U.S.A. have to say about this?'
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You can easily tell if a person is lying and cheating on you if they say, I love you. I would never lie to you or cheat on you.
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Pain only hurts when you are looking for a reason to quit. You don't feel a thing when you know you can still win.
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The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
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I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
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If you're drunk please don't drive. If you're on shrooms please don't think Walmart's a prison for bad clothing that needs help escaping.
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I would love to have acidy spit.
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Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
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A lot of comics are kind of vampire types we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.
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It's an incredible feeling falling in love someone who doesn't know you exist.
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Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.
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My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
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I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.
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